October 14, 2002
The Greek Hello
is Also the Greek Goodbye
We were 20 years-old when it first happened. It was very unexpected and nothing was ever the same after that. With a simple kiss on the one cheek, and then on the other, we were introduced to what we will furthermore refer to as the "Greek Hello." We don't even remember the name of the girl involved. It was college and everyone was doing it. But after it happen we suddenly felt more Greek than at any other time in our lives.
The Greek Hello is a more intimate greeting that a standard handshake or greeting someone with no touching whatsoever. It is for this reason, that we would argue that the Greek Hello makes things too comfortable between Greek guys and girls. It desensitizes Greek young adults to intimate contact to an almost destructive degree. Our theory:
There are more ways that you can get in trouble with the Greek Hello. Guys and girls watch to see who you are giving the Greek Hello to when you are out at a Greek Night or even during coffee hour at church. Nothing turns a girl off more than seeing five sets of lipstick marks on a guy's face, especially when she doesn't like 4 out of the 5 girls who were wearing the lipstick in the first place. And nothing turns a guy off more than seeing a nice girl Greek Helloing a bunch of clowns. And then there's the issue of giving bad Greek Hello. If you screw up the left to right order, or right to left order, (we're not even sure which way its supposed to go) it could lead to embarrassing results, even injuries as you knock heads with the unsuspecting victim of your ill coordinated Greek Hello.
(Query: If the toilet flushes counterclockwise for Greeks in Australia, do they also Greek Hello in an opposite direction? What about in the Middle East where they read things right-to-left, do they give their version of the Greek Hello opposite to most Westerners who are used to seeing the world from left-to-right? What if a Greek-Australian Greek Helloed a Greek-Canadian living in the Middle East? Sounds like a recipe for
disaster.) Then there's the issue of what to do with your hands during a Greek Hello. Does it go on the person's upper arm, waist, or somewhere else altogether? Will the recipient get the wrong idea (or the right idea) about your true feelings for them depending on what you choose to do with that hand? And remember people, that you're giving that lucky guy or girl two shots at being overpowered by that gyro with extra onion and tzatziki you ordered for dinner every time you go in for the Greek Hello, so make sure to pack some gum or mints before you go out.