As fans of the show, Rachel’s Greek-American-ness cheats us out of the
hysterical airport scene that begins season 2. She more than likely wouldn’t
be upset about Ross having found someone while in China, and even if she were
the slightest bit distraught by this fact, she wouldn’t have let anyone know
about it, and certainly would not have rebounded with Paulo. (A Greek girl doesn’t
make the same mistake twice, particularly not of the rebound/retaliatory hook-up
variety.) That pretty much would have ended most of the Ross and Rachel drama of
the beginning of that fall. But let’s just say that Rachel did actually want
to fight for Ross, she would have been a lot less passive-aggressive than trying
to sabotage his relationship with Julie. A Greek Rachel wouldn’t have bothered
giving him misguided relationship advice, she would have just told him straight
out that she wanted him, or had done a much better job of seducing him.
Again, we would have been cheated out of the pivotal part of that season, the
drunk phone call to Ross’s answering machine that Rachel makes from the
restaurant while on a blind date. First off, a blind date? Impossible. Greek
girls are constantly trying to be set up on dates at coffee hours, Greek
festivals, and any other social event, that they’d run screaming from anything
resembling a blind date. Also, show us a Greek girl that’s drunk-called a guy
and we’ll show you a Greek that doesn’t love feta and olives. Alcohol has a
strange and unique effect on Greek girls. It might make them wild and loud at a
Greek night but it doesn’t have the truth-telling properties that it has on
the rest of the population. The only way that the Ross and Rachel story even
continues would be for someone to actually tell Ross that Rachel actually has
feelings for him, causing a confrontation, that leads the after-closing kiss in
the coffee house. Fans of the show remember that Ross blows it in the very next
episode when he makes the list of pros and cons about Rachel, which rightfully
angers Rachel, effectively squelching the new relationship before it gets a
chance to get off the ground. She starts dating again, going out with a guy
named Russ, which we guess would be the equivalent of a Greek girl dating a guy
with the same name twice. (Do you realize how hard it would be to date around in
the Greek community without tripping over the same name two, maybe three,
times?)
What saves Ross and Rachel that year is a viewing of Monica and Rachel’s
prom video. A Greek Rachel though doesn’t get upset when she thinks that she’s
being stood up by Chip for prom. Trained by years of GOYA and other Greek
semi-formals where you don’t bring dates, she doesn’t mind going stag
because it’s a very natural thing, thus preventing Ross from feeling badly for
her and getting all ready to take her to prom himself. (It was Rachel seeing
this video that made her give her and Ross another chance.) So again we miss out
on the next episode where Ross and Rachel make love in the museum, or Ross
getting upset by Rachel getting a tattoo, or her experimenting with feminism.
The only major relationship plot line of that year would be Monica dating an
older man in Richard, which actually is a not an uncommon Greek-American theme,
so we’d all probably still tune in to see how that one turns out.
We learn more about Rachel’s family in season 2 when her mom, played by
Marlo Thomas comes to visit. With a Greek-American Rachel, you need an equally
Greek-American mother, so we replace Marlo Thomas and insert none other than
Olympia Dukakis. (Remember her as Jennifer Aniston’s mother in Picture
Perfect?) Rachel’s mom thus becomes more like Monica’s mom, judgmental
and hypercritical, which would be a lot more fun to watch, possibly saving an
otherwise disastrously boring second season.
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